finding space

its been probably close to 2 years since my last post.  i started 2 or 3 and never finished.

today i sit here with my 2 little ones, helping one get better – both are just now sleeping.

a few days ago we returned from the east coast.  boy does life move at a different pace out there.

while i dont necessarily want a house as large as my parents have – the feeling of space in a room helps my body breathe better.  this is something i want to work on – being ok in any size space because it is not always a choice.

our house is much smaller and we have too much stuff.  to top it off we had many thinga decide to come home with us over the holidays.

so first thing i wanted to do when we got home was make some space.  and the east coast in me wanted it to be done now.

well – nothing like getting sick the next day to help remind me of where i truly need to be at the moment.

there will be time to work on the clutter.  i need to look after my well being & being present with our little family.  

yes creating space physically will help me learn to be my present and have more space in my life – i can still find the space spiritually, mentally, emotionally,  and in being present without having it physically, it just takes a bit more effort.

these recent holiday travels were helpful to show me growth within myself and areas where i still would like to keep looking.  

the biggest thing in my life that has inspired changes in me are my girls.  thank you for teaching me & be patient as we learn with your father what it can mean to be a family.

dear ego

i am thankful for being shown time and again how to be present  – and that being present is what and where i am meant to be. 

even though you, dear ego, continue to try and override me – telling me i need to be “doing” something, “accomplishing” rather than just being with my daughter.  its a constant battle and a continuous reminder of how little time i will actually have with her. 

and, dear ego, i am accomplishing and doing something.  i am giving my daughter attention and presence.  hoping she will be more grounded and present than myself – from an earlier age.  i am showing her love and that she is more important than any “accomplishment”.

so, dear ego, while i know you will always be ready to jump in, feel free to relax, take some naps, go on vacation – maybe find a new job.

perfection is overrated

or at least what we think of as “perfection”  somewhere along the way it gets forgotten that we are already perfect – don’t need to “fix” anything.

i saw a friend recently whom i haven’t seen in some time.  she seemed a bit sad and overwhelmed – my mind went straight to how i could help her “fix” this.

my mind seems to do lots of this recently.  being a newer mom i find when other moms are going through something i want to share what helped me in their situation (or something similar).

instead, tonight, after who knows why, my desire to help “fix” changed. maybe it is the book i re-started: the zen of listening  

i just wanted to be present with my friend when i see them next.  they are already perfect just as they are. 

be where you are at.

do you find yourself trying to “solve” your life and others? or you at peace with chaos and trust the universe (God – whatever you refer to as the bigger power) will get you through, or show you how?