little one

it’s been a while since i’ve stopped in here. at first it was just the normal busyness of life. then it was because we had a little secret that needed waiting to be told. eventually it became purely crucial to use all energy for things that needed to be done – walk the dogs, laundry, etc.

we are expecting a little one early in 2014. pregnancy can do strange things to a body – and mind. i’m happy to report i am one of the women who only had a short stint (weeks 6 – 12/13) with the yuckiness and over exhaustion.

it’s funny how preparing for something that initially takes up so little physical space has such a huge impact in so many ways.

outside of the obvious creating a loving, safe environment (baby room, babyproofing, etc) i find myself re-evaluating things like our eating habits, our eco-friendlyness, and more. these are things that i may normally think about to some extent, being someone’s role model brings the thoughts to an entirely new level.

eventually i’ll be back with a more worthwhile post – i’ve just been itching to type up something for a while now.

enjoy a video of our youngest pup learning to be a big brother with my sister’s new puppy.

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running for cade – or walking in my case

please be sure to read about cade

(bigger images at the bottom)

the originally  plan was to run a few miles (it’s been too long since i’ve run to go straight for 11).  due to me needing to get to the post office on time and wanting to include our older pup for a walk – our outing was a bike ride and then a walk / play time in the river.

a teeny part of me wishes i had been able to fit the run in – it was the perfect reason to start running again.  something has been holding me back since my burn out – and for the first time i was excited to run again.  hopefully i will get to this week.

to the bailey’s: i can only i imagine what you’ve been through.  i wish you & your family the peace and happiness you deserve.   you are a wonderful role model for anyone going through a hardship – bringing hope, inspiration, & joy from sadness – that is what people will connect to the memory of your son.   thank you for the inspiration to run.

please read below for the explanation & inspiration of today and these photos.
(maybe more tomorrow if we get home in time for a run.)

In 2000 when I was pregnant with my first son Ben, I had the blessing of meeting via an online pregnancy support group, “October Babies”, Dione Bailey. Dione was pregnant with her son, Cade. We kept in touch off and on over the years and shared their developmental milestones and lives with each other.

Sadly, at the age of 9, Cade contracted a virus, with a fever and vomiting in the days after Labor day. It was a normal tummy-bug that turned evil and his body allowed a brain & spinal disease in. In very short order he deteriorated and passed away just short of his 10th birthday on September 21, 2010.

In the coming years I kept in contact with Dione and came to know her incredible husband Jimmy. He has been her rock and is an amazing man who promised his son that one day he would run a marathon. Cade enthusiastically said he would be there to support him. Sadly, he never got to see that day, running the Twin Cities Medtronic Marathon in memory of his beautiful son.

Jimmy has asked us runners if this Mother’s Day weekend, we could all honor Cade by remembering him on our “11th mile”. Whether running a half, a full, or just the combination of miles in a two-day run, or ANY MILES FOR THAT MATTER, if you could honor him and post your run here – pictures are a plus! I know his family would be forever grateful.

Cade LOVED superheroes. Spiderman was the big one, but his first was The Hulk. He was just getting into Johnny Storm of the Fantastic 4 and Jim and him had plans on seeing the new Marvel movies coming out of Captain America and Thor. So if you are so inclined to wear a cape or any superhero symbol, that is appreciated as well!

Cade was a very special boy, just as all children are, and he is deeply loved and missed. Thank you VERY MUCH for considering doing this and being a part of my running community. Your outreach to this family that continues to painfully feel his absence, means a great deal. GOD BLESS AND MAY YOU ALWAYS RUN HEALTHY AND STRONG!

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accomplishment, success, achievement – what is this?

recently married and back from our honeymoon, we arrived to a house filled with family.

both our folks had come to love our furry crew (feed, walk, scoop, cuddle).  with 2 cats & 2 dogs who have a meal time that is eventful, they do better with family than a pet sitter if we go away for more than a few days.  in addition, my folks drove out with their 15 year old pup.

forever grateful to have family that can & is willing to give this sort of love.

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(taken by my father of my mom, one of our dogs on the left, their dog on the right)

it’s been a few days since they all left to head to their respective homes (east & west).  my new husband headed out with his folks for a few days to get some things done for us at their house.

ever since i can remember i’ve almost always had a project of some sort to work on.  a goal to accomplish.  in the last few years i have found all my work to accomplish these goals would leave me less time to spend doing other things i wanted to do, because i had to “finish” this or that.  the most recent projects were putting on a marathon and helping plan our wedding.  while i would often enjoy parts of these things, there was often a stress underlying because of a deadline.

once i get this done, then i can relax.

and yet there was always one more thing to “get done”.  there was a short time when i tried to do it all.  i’d just say yes to almost any offer to do something my friend would come up with, regardless of my “to do” list.  this left me with late nights and little sleep, feeling pulled in all directions.

as with many things, yes, it comes down to a balancing act.  it also comes down to realizing what truly, deep down, is meaningful to your soul.  some of the outings with friends was more for a need to feel included, wanting to please people, or worried about “missing out”.  some of the more recent need to “get things done” is my need to feel worthwhile, accomplished, and do a good job at whatever i’m doing.

when it was me alone with the furry crew, and lack of projects, part of me felt useless.  another part of me felt great.  i had time to walk, bike with & give love to the crew without feeling like i should be somewhere else or doing something else.

my love-eh-ly hubby & i are trying to start a family.  this is part of the reason i want to be project free as i hope to be an at-home mom, at least until they/s/he are old enough for school.

i was looking at something and came across this fantastic blog – the science of mom.  i started reading some of her past entries about all sorts of things i have to look forward to.  one of them (stay at home mom angst) inspired me to write this post.  my dilemma is different than hers, and yet similar.  it helped me to see this recent obstacle.

while i realize my furry crew is far from a baby, they are the closest i have had.  their happiness means a great deal to me.  for many this may seem silly.  my feline friends were with me when i first moved to NYC (from MD) and was still somewhat inept at making new friends,.  my parents sometimes make fun of how well we treat our furry friends (mostly my dad).  at the same time i enjoy seeing how they too love the crew.

so, while our curry crew may be a few steps different from having a child, the post hit home for me.   the continuous balancing act of “achievement” that our media pushes saying it leads to “happiness” and “success” vs that true happiness in our soul.  happiness from walking in a beautiful landscape,  finally conquering that meal you have tried to make a few times before, or a friends face when you surprise them with a visit across the country.

this is not to say achieving or accomplishing something is bad  – it is where the basis for the achievement or accomplishment comes from.  are you doing it because you feel you are supposed toor are you doing it because you want to and something in you feels the desire to do so?

in some form or another you may have heard the concept – in 10, 20, 30 years from now – will you regret having skipped out on that extra assignment at work with the big bonus?  or will you regret the weekend hiking trip you missed with your best friend for her 30th birthday (of course supposing you enjoy hiking)?

the sun is out and i am going to take my younger pup for a bike ride followed by snagging our older pup (12+) for a short walk.

enjoy a view from our honeymoon.  i  hope there is at least1 thing today that makes you smile, laugh, or both.

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