standing still

close your eyes.  take a deep breath.  slowly in and slowly out.  relishing the pause at either end.

take another.

and one more.

now (eyes closed) feel your toes.  is the floor soft?  or are your socks warm?  do you have room to wiggle and stretch out your toes?

put your palms against each other (eyes closed) with your pointer fingers gently against your mouth.  breath slowly, calmly.  do you fingers smell of lotion?  of the faint traces from your last meal?  of soap?

are the pads of your fingers rough?  smooth?  calloused? soft?  warm?  cold? and your lips?

open your eyes.  were you thinking about anything?  your ‘to do’ list?  where you need to be at __ o’clock?  what time you are finished with work/class/project . . .?

or were you present in the moment?

when i was younger much of my energy was focused on past – regrets, what if’s, why or why not, etc.

recently life has become fast & stretching in many directions.  at times (often for me) it’s difficult to be present.  too much energy & time spent on the goal, the destination, the end result, etc.

i have a tendency to take on many many projects at a time.  i’ve gotten better over the years – i still slip back at times.  having one or a select few things to focus on that truly touch me – deep down into my being – that’s when life makes sense for me.

i was reading on wikipedia recently about the new year celebration

It is believed that Julius Caesar, the celebrated Roman emperor, first proposed the idea of having January 1 as the first day of the year way back in 46 BCE. This is because the month of January has been named after the Roman God Janus. Janus is personified as a two-faced person, one face facing the front and the other facing the back, and he is believed to be the God of doors and Gates. This, to Caesar, symbolized transition from one year to the other.

to me – having one face in front and one behind would force you to be very much present in all actions.

stand still and figure out what truly touches your heart.  figure out what things could stop existing and you would still feel fulfilled.

that is my hope for this coming year – the ability to stand still, find balance, be present and remember what is truly important – deep down.

enjoy a silly video of our dogs.  we usually sing the spider man theme song replacing “spider man” with our older dog’s name “sugar bear” (the white one)

the quality somehow got worse once uploaded – but you get the idea

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Having a kid breaks you. And you’re stronger for the broken places.
- gluten free girl & the chef

i’m engaged.  our plans are a little rushed – proposal august 2012 marriage planned in march 2013.  *knock knock*

the reason for the “rush” may seem silly to some.  i’m ready for sharing our life in a way that only a child can expand it.  i can only grasp the edges of what it will be like for that enormous, crazy, and wonderful change – in us, our dynamic, growing our family.

i think he is ready – he wants to be.

every so often my brain says”worry” and for a minute or two (or sometimes more) i do.  then i breathe and remember the tiny glimpses of what i have felt for just the idea of little feet and hands and their gurgles and other sounds, and soft skin, and that baby smell.  he will be present once she/he/they (possibility of twins for me) arrive.  it’s not a choice we make, as a parent it just is.

much more to say and yet nothing else to say.

wouldn’t it be wonderful if the world were as varied as this?  (or more)

time for me step away from the familiar computer and head out enjoy my mini-vacation.

smile – it suits you.

goodness and wishes

last night i began a book called Made For Goodness written by Desmond Tutu and his daughter Mpho Tutu.

“We are fundamentally good. When you come to think of it, that’s who we are at our core.
Why else do we get so outraged by wrong? When we hear of any egregious act, we are appalled.
Isn’t that an incredible assertion about us?”

i like this.  i bought the book a bit back when i came across the ubuntu quote.  after trying to find the exact quote i had read quite a bit about mr. Tutu and his speeches and philosophies and wanted something more.  so far – and i say this very tentatively only being in chapter 2 – he has lived up to all i had read.

for the few readers who stop by, i do realize it has been more than my usual month between writings.  life suddenly became busy – in a good way.  the saying “be careful what you ask for, you might get it” lately i’ve been blessed with many wishes coming true – sometimes just how i ask, other times in a round-a-bout way.

it’s all about learning to read that silver lining.  a quick example.  my boyfriend is now my fiance.  i often push him into decisions and was worried his asking might be from me pushing.  i wanted to know for sure that he asked because he wanted to.

move forward a few weeks when i am flying out to see if i like our ceremony location (it is closer to his grandmother as she would have trouble flying).  he and i had gotten up very early in the morning so i could get in my last long training run.  many hours (and miles) later i am iced, showered, dressed and headed to the airport.

i space cadetted and had the flight time in my head as the time i needed to be at the airport.  big oops.  my airport is small and you can push timeframe a little bit – not within 5 minutes of flight time.

by 9pm he has headed to the airport to pick me up and then drive me 2+ hours (plus our 40 minute drive home) plus a 30 minute drive in the morning (after 4ish hours sleep).  all this so i might be able to catch the 6am flight.  he was willing to do all this – even offered (my other option was renting a car and driving 6 hours) and did so very gracefully.  (for all who know my fiance he can definitely be grumpy – especially early am or lack of sleep or lack of food).

i was suddenly doubt free of his feelings for me.  i said thank you to the universe for clarity.

i also made note to be very clear on how my questions are asked (ie leaving future flights out of answers)

below is from his proposal

and on the subject of goodness – check out this awesome organization

the empowerment plan

they make coats for homeless – free – and provide jobs as well.  started by a student (i believe she’s still a student).
people continually inspire me 🙂


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