reinventing motivation and other randomness

if you ask my husband about my motivation a year ago – he’d probably say i need to take more breaks.

until semi recently, especially during my short stint of the yucky part of pregnancy, i almost always had a project in the works and something to “get done” constantly.

following one big project i was getting back into the swing of things, and then that “yucky” few weeks came about. since then i’ve very much lacked motivation to do more than what was absolutely necessary (laundry, dishes, walk dogs, feed the crew*, pay bills, go to work, etc.).

*the crew is our term of endearment for our pets, 2 dogs, 2 cats.

there’s been a struggle in me for being “productive” vs living meaningfully.

many projects i took on were to accomplish a goal of some sort. somewhere in recent years i lost the ability to weigh if my goals were for the purpose of “accomplishing” or because i enjoyed them.

maybe this has been a small part of my lack of motivation, maybe nothing to do with it.

in the last few weeks our older dog’s kidney issues went from bad to horrible. she wasn’t eating and she was tired all the time (not eating would do that to me).

we decided to try 2 last ditch efforts. her numbers got much better. within 1 week she is eating again and decides that she wants to go on walks (outside of the one-s- we already take her on).

she is a fighter.

(tried to insert a cut with a link to the rest – didn’t work, sorry)

a bit of sb background

we found her trying to cross a highway.  she was skin & bones, though we only found this out after we shaved her (she stunk & was full of mats).

we discovered out she had kidney issues, and after finding a vet we love got her numbers semi under control.

in the middle of the kidney issues discovery there was a tumor found on her.  she went into surgery and it turned out to be malignant, though it hadn’t spread anywhere.

then, august this year, she decided to eat a rock.  i was out of town and my husband was freaking out.  another surgery opened up her stomach, took the rock out, and put her back together.

after the surgery she started going downhill, until this last ditch effort that is.

she (as well as our other animals) have taught me so much about living.  i hope she sticks around long enough for our little one to meet her.  she is our newest addition to the furry crew, and probably the oldest – or tied with one of our kitties.

during our visit to the vet to discuss options when she had stopped eating, i thought these were her last days.  i was struggling with what would be best for her – we want her happy, healthy (relatively) and enjoying her life.

logically we know she is old and will be with us for a shorter time than our other furry crew.  at the same time the selfish part of me was like – no, we haven’t had enough time with her.  a teeny even more selfish part of me was thinking that at least i could leave the house for more than 2 hours without bringing her with me.

we decided to try what the vet suggested (plasma?) and 1 other thing i found online.  the worst that would happen is we wasted some money.  turns out – even after only 1 week – she is significantly better.

my motivation these days is directed towards our crew.  seeing them happy is rewarding.  this means going for that walk even when i’m exhausted.  being sure our kitties get the brushing they love (and need to hold off hairballs).  planning our life to include the restrictions of having our crew as part of our family.

it’s good preparation for our little one.

i find a new appreciation for my husband when he carries sb up trails so she can be included in our outings.  and his willingness to go along with me on these possibly fruitless efforts to save an old dog.

in addition to our furry crew, little one (in my belly) has become a stronger presence.  his/her kicking has become much stronger.  so today when someone posted a link to an article about this inspiring mother & daughter – i became inspired.  the woman dressed her daughter as famous influential women (instead of a disney princess) for her 5 year photo.  i hope to be as strong and fantastic an influence for my child as she is.  click the link to see her images.

i think today’s rambling is over.  thanks for stopping by.

be inspired by someone and/or something.  be grateful for someone and/or something.

enjoy some halloween fun – yoda & princess leia

yoda - j leia - sb

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