quick entry hopefully. ever since m (our daughter) was born I found myself complaining in my head and asking for things. i often got what i asked for in a different way than i expected. i have slowly become more thankful and more specific in my asking.

recently one of my struggles has been giving m the attention she needs & deserves, yet still helping around the house. someone mentioned a book & concept called the continuum concept.

i ordered the book. already today just from wearing her, sleeping (and not waking up) is vastly improved. sometimes a short little whimper than sleep, mostly just sleep. and loud noises or talking – little or no reaction.

thank you, i look forward to reading the book. i’ve been reading many
a helpful book lately.

unconditional love aka being mom

for the few readers interested in my MIA status – our household now includes one more beating heart, our beautiful daughter.

it has been one crazy adventure – the house is a disaster, being on time is a rarity, everything takes much longer to get done – and it is so very worth it.

i had been making notes in my old phone about things I want to post – we will see if any of it makes the leap.

my beautiful girl is napping and life has become as “normal” as it can get for a while. ie i can function :)

for me, becoming mom has brought about the first constant and consistent unconditional love – there is nothing like it in my life. it is a challenge heart melting, struggle, and great joy – plus much more.

unconditional love has been a goal, desire, what have you, for a while – that search for zen. there is something about growing this little being in you and then seeing (her) in front of you and growing & changing every day. i will always love her no matter what – always

challenge to be the best i can be. silly, and we hear it often, but for me it is truth. when there is an uncomfortable situation or something I may not want to do – i try to do it so she sees the good example: face fears, do what is “right”

heart melting to see her every day. have you seen the first smile when a baby wakes up? or heard a baby’s laugh?

struggle to be who I want, to express unconditional love with everyone.

with my husband i often find myself stepping back for a moment and asking if i would have the same reaction with our daughter. usually the answer is no because I “expect” certain things – so i breathe and attempt how i would react with her

with myself I want so much for our family, especially our daughter. sometimes i find myself torn between wanting things to be done or happen a certain way and just letting things be as they are. being sure i am taken care of – I tend to put me last, for food, time to relax, etc because our daughter comes first. at the same time if I don’t take some time to care for me she will suffer for it (like not eating enough). I guess I struggle with where that line is, of caring for me to help her vs just for me (more selfish)

joy of firsts – first sucking her thumb, first time rolling over, holding her foot – each new thing is totally new and amazing to see.

enjoy cuteness


remembering your strengths

i received a message from an old friend whom i never expected to hear from again.  apparently i had more of an impact on them than i believed.  at first i was unsure what to do with their note.

recently i’ve been struggling with myself and my reactions to situations.  i want to be “zen”  and patient and realize truly deeply that the actions of others say something about others and determine nothing about who i am.

their kind words reminded me of some strength and belief in myself and my values that have been lost over the years.  when i was able to act (lack of reacting) in ways where at the end of the day i slept well and was only concerned about how i treated the world (vs the world treating me “fairly” or otherwise).

thank you for the reminder that i have this strength within me, and that at the end of the day i am accountable for me – so i’d like to  be the best i am capable of.   even when i think it doesn’t make a difference or matter, it does.  especially now that i will soon be a mommy with a little one always watching.



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photos © pyxie photography unless otherwise noted.

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